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What happened when I changed my mindset about competing

This has been a draft for over 4 months… and to date, we have

  • 4 rosettes – 2 saying we were first
  • have been to 5 unaffiliated dressage competitions
  • have competed my first (with Oscar) British Eventing 80 event, and survived
  • have entered my second British Eventing 80 event…

But, this is what happened before I could let myself out of the yard…

Every so often, my vulnerability hits my corner of the internet and quite honestly, it’s freaking daunting.

I am the eldest of 4 girls, so I don’t do emotions, as eldest – that’s not my role. I am to hold the fort, not break the rules and most importantly, help others.

But I am offering you some exciting news, I have a break through.

I have been avoiding any type of emotion recently because I simply don’t know how to face it. This is a literal brain dump.

I have to be perfect, I have to be good enough and I have a massive complex if I am not.

My horse must be able to do Grand Prix dressage tests at home before I even think about hacking, and I must be able to do seventeen backflips before I will admit to anyone that I can kind of swim. It’s ridiculous, I know.

But it is a complex, I cannot leave the yard without being prefect, and both Oscar and I are bored because of this ridiculous idea.

Reasons behind the madness:

  • I don’t want to waste the judges’ time by not being a pleasing test
  • I don’t want to annoy anyone with taking too long at something
  • I want to be able to feel confident with what I do, and this won’t be the case… until you guessed it… I am perfect…
  • And I simply don’t want to spend the money if I won’t get a rosette in response.. WHATTT!! I hear you scream.

Well… I think I have cracked it.

The beauty is in the eye of the beholder – which my dad always said when I made a comment about a friend’s boyfriends, or a couple in the street…

And here we are… flying through the motions and not afraid to enter a competition! What a difference a change in the mindset can do.

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